Many thanks to everyone from the various styles and types of martial arts who attended this year’s Westminster Ishinryu Winter Course in the Forest of Dean. Most people appeared to enjoy themselves both during and in between the many hours of outdoor training. Sadly we were yet again let down by the warm weather which plagued the entire weekend (I was gutted to find the temperature had drop by a degree or two and the pond had partly frozen over on Monday morning after we had been suffering "near heat stroke conditions" on both Saturday and Sunday). Although it was fairly wet and the rain didn’t stir up any serious mud, Sensei Mike Reay still managed to supply some Gi abuse during his Ju-Jitsu break-fall session which allowed us to display our mud, grass and pooh stained clothing to any holiday makers we passed with pride.

Once again I have tried to record the event for history by sneakily noting peoples (sometimes very private) conversations and comments both on and off the field (any normal person might get bored of doing it after all these years, but I have a very infantile mind as well as being the kind of sicko that enjoys other peoples embarrassment). In my usual tradition I have taken quotes out of contexts or made minor “improvements” to satisfy my own sick version of humour.

I’ve brought “back by popular demand” the original simple format of quotes followed by names to allow for everyone to ridicule and abuse you.

1, “. . . . You could be back in your chalet staring at your one eyed monster”
2, “Allan never told me we were going to roll around in the mud”
3, “No I don’t speak Thai and I have no idea what your talking about even now that you’re speaking in English again”
4, “I’m a very sensitive person…. I’m a martyr to my gout…. You just don’t understand!”
5, “He didn’t have a belt…. He’s not wearing a gi…. And he looks funny!”
6, “It’s strange…. I’m both disappointed and relieved at the same time that you aren’t molesting me”
7, “….but if we head out the back door and it’s wrong we’ll have to come back down those stairs…. they’ll all think we’ve come out of the bogs together like four London Gaylords!”
8, “I don’t know how long this XXL t-shirt is because I’ve got it tucked into my underpants”
9, “AARGH!... It’s so early in the morning I can’t remember how to tie my belt!”
10, “…. Yes! And if you paint your nails before playing with yourself, when you look down it’ll seem like a birds doing it for you”
11, “…. err… are you alright?”

Thanks for making it a good time

Quotes revealed – 1-Allan 2-James 3-Tom 4-Darren 5-Karl 6-Mike 7-John 8-Ken 9-Vanessa 10-Steve 11-Park security guard(5:55am)

Special extra mention has to be awarded to John O’Rourke for the following “post” course classics:

1, “Ken’s cheese?!?!... I was going to make a sandwich but I can’t now you’ve described it as a block of Ken’s cheese!”
2, “I’ve just unpacked and found someone has planted the pink c#ck sheath and sh#te beer in my bag! YOU #$@TS!!!”

Karl Green can easily be contacted with any potential law suites for the miss quotes or complaints that you have been annoyed, taken offence or caused embarrassment, you will however be completely ignored and you can rest assured that there are absolutely “NO REFUNDS”

Return to Article menu